No one knows that Shane Allison is the author of four chapbooks of poetry,
or that he has a fifth book of poems called I Want To Fuck A Redneck,
forthcoming from Scintillating Publications. Don't tell anyone, but Shane
has had poems published in zafusy, Shampoo, Velvet Mafia, Suspect Thoughts,
Mc Sweeney's, Mississippi Review and New Delta Review just to name a few.
Just between you and me, he received his MFA from New School University
where he studied with David Trinidad and David Lehman. No one has any
clue that Shane lives in Tallahassee, Florida.
Do you have any poems written on the walls in your house?
Do you have a pair of Reebok sneakers
in your house or one of those artificial
plants? Do you have a Sony TV on a scratched
coffee table in your house? What about one of those
exercise bikes? Do you have any shadeless lamps
in your house or old kerosene lamps
from back in the day? Do you have in your house,
bumpserstickers on the walls? Do you have one of those
plug-in airfreshners? Do you have a pair of dirty sneakers
lying around the house? Do you have a sofa all scratched
up by your house cat? Do you have any artificial
flowers in your house, or a set of artificial
limbs collecting dust someplace? I could use a few crystal lamps.
Is there a room being remodeled in your house? Got any scratched
up records from the seventies in your house?
I need two two-by fours and a pair of sneakers
with fat rat shoe laces. Do you have one of those
digital clocks or one of those
water beds with bed rails with artificial
wheels on them? Do you have a set of sneakers
sitting in a rocking chair in your house? Got any old lamps
in the attic of your house,
or a few pieces of scratched
up dinnerware in your house that's been scratched
up? Do you have a few of those
plum-purple pillows in your house
somewhere? What I really need is an artificial
stuffed deer head. Do you have any lava lamps
that you don't want or some old sneakers
chewed up by some old dog who likes to chew old sneakers
that you don't want anymore? I'm looking for a brown scratched
up suitcase. I could use a laundry basket filled with Genie lamps.
Do you have one of those
electric blankets in your house, or an artificial
gold elephant charm lying about in your house?
Do you have any of those scratched up
artificial teki lamps lying around in your house?
I'll give you the sneakers off my feet for one.
Frequently Asked Questions About Poems Written About Ham Sandwiches
1. How many poems about ham sandwiches can I send at one time?
2. How often can I submit a ham sandwich poem?
3. Do you accept previously published ham sandwich poems?
4. Do you accept simultaneously submitted poems about ham sandwiches?
5. What rights do you ask for when you accept a poem written about a ham sandwich?
6. Are you strictly someone who likes poems about ham sandwiches?
7. What do you mean by all poems about ham sandwiches are subject to editing?
8. Why don't you accept poems about turkey or corn beef sandwiches?
9. Do you pay for the ham sandwich poems that are accepted?
10. I received a letter saying I have made it through the first round of ham sandwich poems being considered. What does that mean?
11. How quickly will I hear back from you about the status of my poems about ham sandwiches?
12. What types of poems about ham sandwiches do you accept?
13. Do you accept poems about egg salad?
14. Do you accept essays or reviews written about ham sandwiches?
15. Do you accept photos taken of ham sandwiches?
16. If I have no previously published poems about ham sandwiches to list, can I still submit?
17. How can I be a Guest Editor for poems written about ham sandwiches?
18. Where are your poems about ham sandwiches based?
19. Do you comment on ham sandwich poems that are rejected?
20. How short or long can my poems on ham sandwiches be?
21. Do you accept religious verse about ham sandwiches?
22. Do you accept rhyming verse about ham sandwiches?
23. What authors of ham sandwich poetry do you believe exemplify what you are looking for in a poem about a ham sandwich?
Golden Dragon Sestina
Shrimp w/Lobster Sauce
Roast Pork Lo Mein
Egg Drop Soup
Beef Chop Suey
Sweet & Sour Chicken
Ham Fried Rice
Vegetable Fried Rice
Chicken w/Black Bean Sauce
Shrimp Chow Mein
House Special Chop Suey
Mixed Vegetable Soup
Egg Drop Soup
Beef Fried Rice
Chicken Chop Suey
Plain Lobster Sauce
Roast Pork Chow Mein
Kung Po Chicken
Soy Bean Cake & Vegetable Soup
Pork Yat Gaw Mein
Pork Fried Rice
Beef w/Oyster Sauce
Shrimp Chop Suey
Vegetable Chop Suey
Honey Garlic Chicken
Triple Delight in Garlic Sauce
House Special Fried Rice Soup
Shrimp in sizzling Rice
Chicken Yat Gaw Mein
Beef Chow Mein
General Tso's Chicken
Hot and Sour Soup
Chicken w/Oyster Sauce
Lo Mein Suey Soup
Chicken with Rice
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